Welcome to a Day In The Life of “Colonel Klink” und “Sergeant Schultz” von Liverpool, New South Wales, Australie.

Those are not their real names and the location given is the area rather than the actual localité.

Today I want to show you what a typical day…. wait, scratch that. I do not have typical days and neither do the pets.

NOT having a routine is a good thing for almost all sentient mammalian beings. Unless that being has severe chemical or physical or mental issues, in which case, the more strict the regime the better.

That is not the case with these two. Sure, Klink has traditionally been extremely anxious, and Schultz has had some real challenges in his lifetime, on the whole those have been nurture issues related to their environment.

And let me make this plainer than plain: it is NOT to do with the house and the others in it. The two homo sapien friends of C & S have provided a loving, caring, diverse, well-looked-after-without-over-pampering household.

BUT, on all three sides, over all three boundary fences are extremely nervous dogs with some severe behavioural challenges. And haven’t really fully clapped eyes on them all yet, but sight is not a sense needed to come to that conclusion.

That is not a problem; it’s an opportunity. I have been in-house friends with these two Germans now for three weeks and 3.6 days roughly.

Even in that time, I have NOT taught them commands or tricks or behaviours inconsistent with how I found them. BUT they have both calmed down considerably. Bear in mind that this is THE first time they have both been separated from their significant others who have significantly less fur.

Let’s begin.

05:36 AEDST, Thor’s Day 29 Oktober (Festen?!) 2015

See above header pic. They had been sleeping soundly there for roughly 8 hours. I had to duck out to the shops late, and I left them there, one asleep, the other nibbling on ein schwein kernuckle.

When I came back a little later, I drove the car up to the house, got out closing car doors quietly but not totally silently, juggled a backpack, a rustling plastic bag and a handful of CDs up to the front door, setting off the second of two sensor lights, clanged the door by mistake as I tried to open the double door, double lock system with one hand in the semi-dark with keys that I still am trying to differentiate one from t’other.

Once inside and both doors closed, I padded into the living room, still making a fair bit of noise and then finally my day pack slid off my shoulder and made a muffled thud as it hit the floor.

Only then did the Chermans rouse from their slumbers and, without barking, came to greet me at the doorway from the living room where I was and the hallway just near the entrance to the master bedroom.

That was something of an accomplishment. I will present that and some other findings to the aforementioned homo sapiens when I see them face to face in two weeks and 3.25 days.

05:36 ACDST, Donderdag 29 Oktobre 2015

While I have been typing this, there has been no other real sounds save, my clickety-clack typing, some muffled sounds of Heathcote Rd about 50-100m to due north, the faint hum of the refrigerator — and that’s it. No neighbour dogs going berko, I have a theory about that one for the neighbourhood dogs.

I suspect that may all about to change because at 06:36, it gonna git a bit nutty. Between now and then, I will let them have their rest, but I will start to move around more. Probably another shower — it’s a couple of days of a little tension and personal stress so showers and lots of stretching and exercise are my ‘keep well’ stratagems. Of many.

TOBY CONTER-NUDE…